I was just in the bathroom getting conditioner out of my hair, and all of a sudden, without notice, a scene from Much Ado About Nothing (my favorite Shakespeare) popped into my head.
Benedick: Come, bid me do anything for thee.
Beatrice: Kill Claudio.
Benedick: Ha! not for the wide world.
But in my head, it is the way Kenneth Branagh said it in his fantastic movie version of the play, so softly, regretfully, whispering:
"Ahhhh...not for the wide world."
So after I rinsed out the conditioner, I went over to my Complete Collection of Shakespeare on one of my bookshelves. I had not opened it in months, but by chance, the ribbon placemarker was on just that page in just that play.
And I marvel over it; what a delightful play. In the most serious of scenes, where the lady is demanding the gentleman to kill his dear companion who wronged her cousin, if he loves her, he adds in the levity - "We'll be friends first."
BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
BENEDICK
I will not desire that.
BEATRICE
You have no reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!
BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such friend.
BENEDICK
May a man do it?
BEATRICE
It is a man's office, but not yours.
BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?
BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
BEATRICE
Do not swear, and eat it.
BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.
BEATRICE
Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.
BEATRICE
Why, then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK
What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.
BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart.
BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
BENEDICK
Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK
Ha! not for the wide world.
BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK
Beatrice,–
BEATRICE
In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK
We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy?
BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come to take hands; and then, with public accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour, - O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice, –
BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK
Nay, but, Beatrice,–
BEATRICE
Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK
Beat–
BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK
Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
Exeunt